Started talking to this guy via a mutual friend from Facebook. He told me he was divorced. We get to the restaurant, order our dinner and start drinking wine, where he proceeds to tell me that it’s a “War of the Roses” active divorce. He mentions that they separated 2 months prior and she filed. Said he had a mistress and it was made public and proceeded to excuse his infidelity by saying she gained weight after their daughter was born and didn’t make any attempts to loose it years later. Starts telling me about all the drama included with that, and the mistresses husband finding out, restraining orders, etc….then he shows me a PICTURE of his soon to be ex wife AND mistress on his phone!!! LOL! I’m sitting there, just downing my wine, hoping the food will come quick and we can just part our separate ways…LOL
This is the first date we were together for one drink in the pub and during our little chat – she took great delight in telling me about her divorce and how she had taken her husband to the cleaners and his mum had given her the house and the judge made him look really stupid in court and embarrassed him. I thought my god this is one women I don’t want to get mixed up with, i.e. taking you for every penny…..
So, yes, women if you want to put a man off you all you need do is talk about your ex and excitedly explain about how you made him look stupid and won in court and he is heavily in debt and take great delight in his misery!!
Picked up a woman for a date once. She got into my car and proceeded to start talking non-stop about her ex, her kids, her job, he dog etc. I took about 2 miles of this, turned around, drove up to her house and told her I changed my mind. She got really angry, spit on my car, tried to throw something at my car and screamed at me as I drove away. My patience level has tailed off to about zero these days.
I recently went out on a first date. He talked about how horrible his controlling ex-wife was and how it affected the kids all those years. He made it sound like she needed to be locked away in a safe place for a very long time on very strong medications.
But you know what? In my mind, it just made him seem even more spineless than he already came across. It takes two baby! I’m sure he was just as much at fault as she.
Then, in a message he sent after the date, he said he thought I was so controlling that he could hardly listen to me talk.
This tells me he’s traumatized and isn’t ready to date yet. Still needs to forgive and get healing. It’s so ironic he should accuse me of this because I have been through training on how to recognize a control freak and how to not be one.
I’m aware, for example of using “I” statements, not starting sentences with “you should”…. and not giving people permission to do things. Men need respect and that is what I show to them. Yet, I did slip up and say one little thing and I guess that was enough for him to freak out.
I met a man who had 42 on his profile. We talked on the phone several times before meeting, and he admitted at that point that he was 46. When he showed up, he looked (and finally admitted to being) 50.
We had met for breakfast prior to going canoeing, and throughout the whole meal, he regaled me with stories about how amazing he was in university (as if he’d done nothing since!).
The kicker was when he called his ex to tell her something that I had just said – and I was still sitting across the table from him! I cut the date short, paid my half of the bill, and went canoeing on my own. I had a very pleasant day, and enjoyed my own company immensely!
Worst least in recent memory was one I met from here. Met at a pub that was her idea but worked for me because they have a lot of things to do there besides drinking.
1. Said hardly anything no matter how I tried to start conversations
2. Proceeded to get in an argument with the waiter because she ordered something they didn’t make anymore. Regardless she was insistent they make it because clearly they must still have the ingredients for it.
3. Got in an argument with a couple next to us because she mistakenly thought the lady knocked her purse on the floor. Instead of apologizing when she realized it wasn’t her purse her response was, “Oh, well I was gonna say. If it was my purse you and I were going to have a problem.”
4. Proceeded to text to whomever throughout the date on her phone.
5. Finally opened up and started conversing towards the end to fill me in on the history of her entire relationship with her ex
…and so on.
I almost fell out of my chair when we went to leave because she wanted to set up a second date. I was going to politely decline but I was so taken aback that she somehow enjoyed herself on this fiasco that I was taken by surprise and apparently my facial expression and that I accidentally let, “Really???”, slip that the message apparently got through.
I had a first date that was with a local guy. He suggested a bar in town and come to find out it was his favorite hangout. He had friends there who knew he was on a first date with me and I felt like they were there sizing me up. One even came up to me and said “if it doesn’t with him, I’d like to take you out”. The entire conversation revolved around him. He went on and on about his ex wife and what a horrible person she was….oh please! I went outside for a cigarette and he came to join me (I was actually considering using that cigarette as a sneak away from the date). While we were outside, he started making plans for our second date. His idea was that I would come over to his place and, I quote “I’ll let you make me dinner”. It was at that point that I finally told him there would be no second date, this date was over and if he was looking for someone to cook for him, maybe he should put a want ad on craigslist for a personal chef. End of date!
One guy, who couldn’t stop bringing his ex into the conversation, actually asked me how the ‘change’ was affecting me!…I looked at him, laughed, and asked if he was talking about what I thought he was…and yes, he was, lol. Since that hasn’t been an issue, that’s all I said…he then went on to talk about how his ex has been a raving lunatic during that time…needless to say, that was our one and only meeting, lol, more because of the ex talk than anything else.
I’ll admit it, I just went on a date with a really great guy and, truth be told, I just broke up with a really messed up guy, so I’m feeling really insecure about my ability to ever have a good relationship. So I started to compensate and talked about exes, not this ex, but just my ex-file as a whole, almost as if to make myself appear normal. Well, no one accused me of abnormality so the defense made me look messed up, which is accurate. That sucks. I messed up. So I texted him and apologized and he said no biggie, but he also didn’t say let’s hang out again. So, in sum, keep the wine glass to one and keep your inhibition up and again no mention of exes!