Category: Ficture

The Movie Talker

The guy was late, not by much, but missed the movie (this guy is the reason why I don’t do movies on first dates anymore), so we went to a different one. No big deal, I’m pretty easy going. I notice that he doesn’t look like his pictures, and he mentions that his pics are about 5 – 7 years old. Not cool, but okay, it’s a first date, and I can suffer through 2 hours. He had invited me out that night, and though I expect to pay, it’s nice when the guy offers. However, he went up and bought his own ticket, and didn’t offer to pay for mine. Then he got snacks for himself and didn’t offer to get me anything. But, hey, I’m a modern woman, I expect to pay for myself, so…not that big of a deal. We go into the theater, and by this time, I’m not terribly impressed with this guy. When we sit down, he practically sits in my lap. He is so far over in his chair, we might as well have been sharing my chair. So, I squoosh over (squoosh is the technical term, yes) as far as I can. You’d think it couldn’t get any worse, but no. He’s a movie talker. Not just talker, but questioner. “Wow, did you see that?” “What just happened?” “What’s going on, did I miss something?” We were watching the same freaking movie. After a few grunted responses, I played deaf. The people behind me were as ticked off as I was, and kept kicking my seat, which ticked me off even more. I wasn’t the one talking, after all. So, after the longest movie in the world was over, we are walking out of the theater, and he asks me if I’d like to go out for an after-movie drink. The date ended with me telling him I had a lot of laundry to do that night.

Moral of the story – if a girl tells you she’d rather do laundry than continue a date, it didn’t go well.


Worst date I went on from pof (Plenty Of Fish) was with a guy who looked nothing like his profile (as in, he used a really hot guy’s pics and he was, let’s just say less than hot). We met at Starbucks for coffee. When I showed up he had the audacity to then tell me that he was very “impressed” with how I look and that he was actually expecting some “fat pig” to show up because in my profile I say I am a few extra pounds and that I actually look better in real life. In my mind all I could think was “ummm wish I could say the same about you buddy.” Not that I am shallow, I just think people should be honest and realistic about how they look in their profile. Anyways I just politely drank my latte and engaged in courteous conversation (mostly listening to him complain about his mother) for about 15 minutes.

Then I tried to cut the date short and said I have to go now. He kept suggesting we go to the beach for a walk or maybe window shopping in the mall and can “buy me something.” I said no thanks. Seriously, this guy would NOT take no for an answer. So I got up while he was still talking and walked to my car and he followed me, then grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into his van (yes, it was a van, with tinted windows and everything, how cliche I know). This resulted in quite the physical struggle in the parking lot, him yelling that I was a “wicked b*tch” (wtf?) and a bunch of other profanities. A little old lady literally had to intervene and beat him off me with her purse and this gathered a larger crowd of people who gawked and took videos with their cell phones. Then he drove away like a maniac, squishing a garden on the sidewalk in the path of his wrath.

The experience made me not want to date ever again, but luckily no one else has ever been that close to psycho-van-driving-mother-hating-guy. I take pepper spray with me now… just in case.

The Worst Toupee

I just have to tell my bad date story…

I had been talking to this lawyer that lived about 3 hours away from me…

Saw his photo and he was very nice looking…we talked nightly and had some good conversations…

One day he called and said that he had to go thru my town going to take a deposition in a town a couple of hours away. He suggested that he come down as far as my town and we meet, go out, and then I could go with him the next day and then he would reverse the route.

When I opened the door to the motel this is what I saw.

A very large man with the worst toupee on that I had ever seen. He was wearing silk basketball shorts, a white long sleeved starched shirt, socks with colored stripes at the top pulled up to his knees and black dress shoes.

Now I think of myself a decent person and will be nice to everyone. I was nice and we went across the street to eat dinner… all thru dinner I was trying to think of an excuse not to go with him the next day. He looked at me and said “what’s the matter, you look like you have a bad headache” ding!!! I responded that I did and needed to go home…

After tossing all night, I finally got the nerve to call him at the motel and when I did the desk clerk told me that he had checked out about an hour earlier…

Bless his heart, I guess this wasn’t the first time he had been dumped!

Mr. Wig

I met a man years ago online. We seemed to hit it off quite well and decided to meet. He had only one picture posted which was rather dark and blurred. We got together on a night a band was playing. It was pretty dark in the bar at the time he arrived. I had no idea he was completely bald and wore a wig. The wig was atrocious. We were seated at a table with a huge fan overhead. Every time the blades spun around his entire wig did a full salute. I was a bit mortified. I don’t care if a man has a full head of hair or is bald but would have appreciated a heads up on the wig situation.

Nose to Nose

I agreed to meet this man after several emails and phone calls. I thought I was in for a fun-filled evening due to our numerous conversations and the common interests and laughter we shared.

Boy was I in for a surprise!! He did not look anything like his pics, I was thinking to myself when he got out of the car “Who is this guy??? He’s too old to be only 45, and where are those 6 pack abs he bragged about and what’s going on with this Elvis-do he’s got going on”. He did drive up in his red mustang though, that’s the only thing he didn’t lie about. I suffered through dinner (kept thinking he’d grow more handsome with each beer I drank) Nope, didn’t happen!!! We were finishing up our meal and he looks at me and says “You know, you would look prettier if you had longer hair and you are a little too chubby for my taste.” I was dumbfounded and speechless for a fleeting second but recovered quickly. I jumped up knocking over my beer, darn shame, threw my napkin down and got right in his face, nose to nose, and told him he was no prize himself.

I threw my portion of the bill down and stormed out of there, he’s hot on my heels professing how much he really likes me and how much we had a connection!!! Hello??? The whole restaurant grew quiet as he’s chasing me out into the parking lot. He then stood in the way of my car door and I had to physically move his overweight butt outta my way. On the way home he’s calling my cell and leaving me numerous voicemails, saying he thinks he’s in love. He bothered me online and on the phone for a few weeks, I had to change my number and get a different user name. I had myself a bona fide stalker.

Needless to say I closed my profile from that site. I know you think I’m making this up, but if by chance you were having dinner that night back in September of 2004 at the Avon “Texas Roadhouse” in Indiana then you might have seen the show.


50 is the new 42??

I met a man who had 42 on his profile. We talked on the phone several times before meeting, and he admitted at that point that he was 46. When he showed up, he looked (and finally admitted to being) 50.

We had met for breakfast prior to going canoeing, and throughout the whole meal, he regaled me with stories about how amazing he was in university (as if he’d done nothing since!).

The kicker was when he called his ex to tell her something that I had just said – and I was still sitting across the table from him! I cut the date short, paid my half of the bill, and went canoeing on my own. I had a very pleasant day, and enjoyed my own company immensely!


Toe’s Poking Out

After discussing with a date where to go, we decide to go to dinner as our first meet. It was a very nice casual dinning place, dress casual would be the appropriate attire. I explained this to my date over the phone where he helps me decide to wear a nice casual dress. I assumed he knew that he should be dressing similar.

So there I am in my dress, pantyhose, and low wedge closed toe shoes, answering the door when my date arrives… He’s dressed baggy, knee length shorts, an over sized t-shirt, a ball cap, worn out sneakers with his toes poking out, and unwashed LONG hair from the looks of it. Never mind all that though. The worse thing he wore was the invisible stamp of liar when he’s said his pic on POF (Plenty Of Fish) is recent, when it’s in fact not, as his hair is very SHORT in the pic (it takes a few years to grow from hair cut extremely short to extremely long) and doesn’t look anything at all like his pic!!!!


I Look Like My Brother 2

OMG the one time I actually met someone off the net. We talked for months.. OMG he had some great pictures.. Very handsome and sexy. We had great phone conversations. Meet him and it was NOT him in the pictures.. OMG I flipped out. Come to find out, it was his brother in those pictures.. I am sorry I am not at all stuck on looks, but you lie to me and that is it. We could have had something if he had been honest with me cause we meshed really well so far… But he had to LIE!!!!!!!!!!!

-Fallen Angel Eyes

Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Yes, it happened to me also… I was waiting in a coffee shop for him to arrive. Then as I was waiting a man came over and introduced himself. I nearly died — he looked like the person I was supposed to be meeting granddad. I was horrified. We had a coffee and I never saw him again. What was the point of having a picture from 10 years ago?? But the sad part is he still has the picture on his site with no other picture update.

Now I always ask if the picture is recent…


Feeling An Old Man

Agreed to meet a man for coffee. He shows up and says he hasn’t had dinner, can we go somewhere else? So after hesitating a few moments–yeah, he looked 15 years older than his pic — I say OK, there’s a place about 2 blocks down, I’ll meet you there. He wants me to ride in his car, but I refuse. So we get there, order, stuff comes to the table, we’re talking — not exciting, but I am trying to be respectful. So at some point I’m saying how exciting it was to be in Spain, and to get to climb on and touch the Roman Aqueduct, and how amazing it is to touch something so old — and he bursts in, “Well I’m old. I hope you’ll touch me!” I put down the coffee cup, said wow, I really have to go. He says, but I’m not done, and I said, well, I only had time for coffee. Throw some cash on the table and exit, w/o looking back.

That was my first “picture surprise” meet and greet–that’s how I think of the people who show up looking nothing like their picture. I was so taken back (hadn’t read as much on the forums back then!), I didn’t know how to react. Next time it will be, “Oh, you haven’t been honest. Your picture must be at least XX years old. I’m not interested.” No coffee, nothing. I’m not staying!