Category: Just A Hookup

Terror on the Terrace

Met a woman online, emailed and chatted on the phone, set up a dinner date. We met, sat out on the terrace and had a great dinner and conversation. As we finished coffee the waiter came and took the check. As he left, she smiled and leaned over the table and said “my place or yours?” I was kinda like a deer in the headlights. Stupidly I said “Gee I thought we’d get to know each other better before we got to that”, I’m not a first date sex kinda guy. The terrace had filled up with about 25 people at 10 or 12 tables around us. She now changed her expression and stood up and said in a loud voice “WHAT?? I am not good enough to GO TO BED WITH?!?!” Of course everyone turned to look at me, and I wanted to crawl under the table.

The waiter returned with the receipt, and while she ranted on, I quickly signed it and fled, with her still yelling behind me. Needless to say, I never returned to that restaurant for dates. Maybe it was the food or just the atmosphere, crazy huh?


Ego Brat

When my blind date rang the doorbell, I took a step back and stared. He was drop dead gorgeous, looking like a young Paul Newman. First clue: why would a guy that good looking bother with a blind date? We went roller skating, not too bad of a date. Then back to his Frat house. He’d spent the evening talking about himself and how cool he was. Yawn. Then he informed me that it was time for me to put out. Yep, do the nasty with this ego brat. I turned him down and discovered that if I didn’t want a long walk home in the dead of winter, I’d put out or get out.

I got out. Walked home through the Park. Dangerous, but not as dangerous as I was. I was so outraged that I’d have assaulted any mugger who even looked crosswise at me. And if you’re really pissed, the cold doesn’t bother you a bit.


Extra Long Fingernail

I’ve met a couple of odd ducks, but the one that comes to mind is the guy who rolled up in an old GEO with a donut tire and multi-colored doors. He looked like he just rolled out of bed and smelled like a dirty sweat sock. He was twitchy, talking real fast, blinking his eyes uncontrollably. I noticed he had an extraordinarily long fingernail on his little finger and I asked him if he was coked up. He said “no, why?” I pointed to the fingernail. He said he had sinus problems. I said “so, you use that fingernail to pick your nose?” And he said “yes” … end of date.

Somewhere in all of his incessant talking, I recall him saying he was horny and asked if there was a hotel nearby. By the time I figured out what he said, he’d already moved on to another topic.