Category: Motormouth

He Danced Like A Flamingo

My worst date was with a guy who seemed rather strange, but at that time (I was under 20). I was willing to give a guy a chance regardless of what my gut instinct was telling me. So we meet at a place with live music and a few people are dancing. I love to dance, so I said, hey, let’s dance. Big mistake. He resembled a flamingo, arms outstretched and lifting each knee to hip level before flinging the lower leg forward, like some automated kicking motion. He just kind of pranced around like this, in a “rhythm” that had nothing to do with the music. So, I’m thinking, ok, he’s not much of a dancer, not a huge moral failing or anything like that–but when we sit down (I was quick to say I needed a drink, so we could get off the dance floor before he hurt someone), he goes on and on about how much he loves to dance and he’s so glad to meet a girl who loves to dance, and how we could go dancing each night. He was completely uninterested in anything I had to say, asked no questions, talked about himself nonstop, and kept trying to get me to commit to joining him for dancing for the next several nights.

I could not get out of there fast enough and was so glad I had–as always–driven myself to this first date. He stalked me for a while at work so I quit the job I had (near where he lived) and made sure not to go to that part of town again. Fortunately, he was not smart enough to find me again. I learned to listen to my gut after that!

Skeletons in the Closet

We had been talking for a few days before and he seemed okay at the time, a little dorky, but whatever. At the actual date, he proceeded to tell me his entire life story with every skeleton in his family’s closet. Going on and on about his sister going through rehab, family issues rising from his father being a truck driver, his brother knocking up his girlfriend and dropping out of college, and it just kept going and going… Wayyyy too much information that I don’t want to be hearing from anyone, especially meeting them for the first time. I practically ran away from him at the end of the date. Didn’t give him a hug or anything.

Starbucks Dash

It was so bad I cut it short after 10 lousy minutes.

I met this gal at a Starbucks. She was 15 minutes late. Strike one. I was getting up to split when she walked up. “Daniel?” She sticks her hand out to shake mine (normally I get a hug), not one hint of a smile. Her face literally looked like this 😐

We go in and order our drinks. I pay for both, as I’m waiting for my change, she zooms over to the condiment area about 30 feet away, leaving me at the register (call me crazy but I’d have waited, then walked there together). Strike two. If they’d been busy and she wanted to guarantee us a seat, I could understand but there were four people total there haha.

We sit at the outside table area, the entire time we’re talking it’s her, her, her. She asked ONE question about me. The entire time she’s looking all over the place, everywhere except at me. Aaaannnnd that made it strike three.

I stand up and say, “Wanna go ahead and wrap this up?” “Wrap what up,” she said. I reply, “You wanna just call it quits?” She goes “What do you mean call it quits…stop talking?” I said yeah, and she’s sitting there looking dumbfounded like she doesn’t know what’s going on, so I just said “Cya!” And left.


The Job Interview

I had one date where awkward silence happened as soon as we sat down. Then it was, ”What are you looking for?” ”How many internet dates have you had?” ”Do you want kids?” ”What is your first impression of me?” All within 20 seconds of meeting. As soon as I got a word in I said ”I have just come for a coffee with you, how about we relax and see where we go?” But the questions kept coming book style so I went to the bathroom, got my friend to ring me, 5 mins later made my excuses and left.