Category: Really Bad Timing

Put It On His Tongue

It wasn’t a POF (Plenty Of Fish) date but it was my first date after breaking up with my fiance. Had only met him once, briefly. He was OK but I didn’t think there were any sparks. A mutual friend of ours insisted we should go out.

So we went to this nice quiet restaurant and I was really trying to get into him … had been broken up with my ex for nearly a year and was thinking the problem was me, that I compared everyone to my ex, etc. And he seemed like he was pretty into me. I was thinking maybe, yeah, maybe there could be something there …

But then he kept rolling and picking at his eyes. He said his contact lenses were dried out. One of my quirks is that I’m extremely squeamish and one of the body parts I’m MOST squeamish about are eyes. And he looked like a weirdo rolling his eyes and picking at them. But I told myself I was being too judgmental.

Then he dug one finger into his left eye and started moving the contact lens around on it. I’m thinking, “Even if I didn’t have a thing about eyes, this would probably qualify as a really uncouth thing to do at the dinner table.” I’m also thinking “If he doesn’t stop this and/or I don’t stop watching, I’m going to faint.” Because I faint easily when things freak me out.

Before I could resolve this conflict, he pulled/dragged/dug the contact lens out of his eye, put it on his tongue … and then started to put it back in his very bloodshot eye. This was apparently too much for me. I fell out of my chair in a dead faint.

Alarmed by the sight of me twitching unconscious on the floor, he apparently dropped and managed to lose his contact lens.

We never saw each other again. He told our mutual friend that he couldn’t imagine dating someone who fainted so easily.


Babysitter For Hire

I had a first date with a guy that brought his two kids along. It showed me how he was so desperately seeking financial help, and he was. The kids were asking me for money (first date at Austin’s Park and Pizza–not at all romantic, I know). And he wasn’t man enough to tell them not to be asking me for money. And to top it off, he wanted me to babysit for him! So glad I knew where it was headed and I didn’t waste my time. That’s the good thing about being older and not desperate.

Breast Feeding

Went on a first date with a woman from POF (Plenty of Fish), about two years ago. Drove an hour and a half to meet her. We had talked via email, phone calls, texts for about two weeks before we decided to meet, and actually talked the morning of our first meeting, and confirmed our date, which gave her ample time to set me up for what I was in store for.

So I get to the restaurant, which wasn’t five stars, but wasn’t a dive either. Nice place for a first date, I had made reservations for two. I got there a little early, so was at the bar waiting for her to show up. So she shows up in tow with her two young daughters, a 3 yr old and an 16 month old, so there went the table for two, had to wait an hour to get another table that could accommodate two high chairs. And that isn’t even the best part, half way through dinner, she proceeds to start breast feeding the youngest right there in front of me at the table. Not that that big deal, nor did I really care, the only thing that got me is she wasn’t planning on getting a sitter, she could of told me and I would have picked a more appropriate place to meet. Oh well, live and learn.

Hazelnut Creamer

It sure wasn’t funny at the time, but I had a first meet with a man I’d been chatting with and we decided he’d bring us coffee and we’d go to the park and talk. Well, I don’t drink coffee very often… like once every 5 or 10 yrs. And it has to have hazelnut creamer in it. So, he was kind enough to bring me a large coffee with hazelnut creamer. We were drinking our coffee and chatting at a picnic table about 100 yards from the public restroom when I felt that dreaded rumbling in my stomach. I’m thinking, “Oh, God, please not now!!!” Then the cramps hit and I started sweating and he asked if I was okay. I asked him if he would help me to the restroom since at the time I was having difficulty walking any distance due to a medical condition I have and he took my arm and quickly walked me to the facilities. I ended up staying in there for at least a half hour, moaning loudly and having every thing in my intestinal tract exploding out from both ends. I don’t remember ever being so violently ill so suddenly and he’s knocking on the door asking if I’m okay as I’m moaning and puking my guts out. When I finally was able to emerge, soaking wet from sweat and washing my face, a lovely shade of pale green, he asked if I’d like to go home. I said I thought that would be a very good idea. We have remained friends ever since but that sure ended any romantic thoughts that might have occurred.

I haven’t drank coffee since!!!