Category: She Said What?

Baby Throws Up On Me

Here’s a nightmare of a date…

Was talking to a girl from POF (Plenty Of Fish) for a little while, went on one date and it went good so we decided to go on another. I opted to pick her up this time. I get to her house and she comes out with a little baby, hops in the front seat with the kid and says lets go! I’m like, you need to put that kid in a car seat right? (which she never mentioned she had a child and I don’t have any so obviously I have no car seat).

She says, oh, “I wasn’t sure how you would feel about a car seat in your car.” I’m just thinking, well, at least you have some consideration… She hands me her kid, runs into the house, the baby THROWS UP on me! She comes back saying the car seat was with the baby’s dad. I had no idea what to say at this point. Told her I need to change and I’ll come back and never looked back…

Good times…

Divorce Tales

This is the first date we were together for one drink in the pub and during our little chat – she took great delight in telling me about her divorce and how she had taken her husband to the cleaners and his mum had given her the house and the judge made him look really stupid in court and embarrassed him. I thought my god this is one women I don’t want to get mixed up with, i.e. taking you for every penny…..

So, yes, women if you want to put a man off you all you need do is talk about your ex and excitedly explain about how you made him look stupid and won in court and he is heavily in debt and take great delight in his misery!!


Herpes can only spread…

Actual statements from a 1st dates…

“Guess you’re meaty enough you’re t*tts could be real”

“Let’s walk into the bar separate, single girls drink free…meet you at the bar!”

“Let’s get a 6-pack before dinner so we won’t have to pay for so much liquor…Should I pick up condoms while I’m in there?”

“She’s not really like a wife-wife…”

“Herpes can only be spread when my sores are open and I don’t have any right now.”


My Vagina Is Far Away

My first date turned up looking waaaay better than his picture, really dapper in a nice suit. I was really impressed considering that he only had one picture that wasn’t too clear. On first impression he seemed charming enough. We met outside a tube station and then walked to a nice Japanese restaurant/ lounge and THEN he started speaking….

First of all most of the things he told me seemed to be lies and did not correspond with the things he had told me previously or wrote on his profile.

They were not big lies but small ones like how long he has been back in the UK after working away and where he lives etc. I didn’t question it because I didn’t particularly know him enough to care. He even lied about going to the place that we were at, 6 months before. Now why anyone would lie about that beats me, but the place we went to had barely been open a month and I knew that but again didn’t say anything, just probed a bit to get him deeper in the lie to confirm that it actually was his intention to out rightly lie.

So by this point I know I am not going to see him again but I am not having a bad time, the conversation is flowing, but then he starts telling me stories about his wild and extravagant youth, and most of these stories involve prostitutes. Why you would tell that to someone on a first date I do not know. At this point I order more sake because I am going to need it to get to the end of the date.

Next he makes a “so called joke” about staying in a hotel around the corner. It wasn’t a joke but after I gave him one dirty look he claimed that it was. Then comes the part about how he likes black girls because they can “handle him.” I’m a bit slow so I didn’t get it straight away and he goes onto explain that Asian and white girls are too petite for him. So now I am finding the conversation offensive and it progresses to how he always has sex with women by the second date because there is no point dating them if you don’t know how sexually compatible they are.

All this time I’m just listening. I just let him keep on digging. The part where I have had enough is where he puts his hand on my thigh. I remove it and tell him that I do not feel comfortable with it there and he puts it back twice more. On the third go, I say “What are you doing vaginal healing? Why is your hand hovering around my vagina? What is wrong with you?” He laughs and says that my vagina is far away, and I tell him that it is too close for my liking. By now the fact that he is getting physical and not taking no for an answer. I simply tell him, “I’m tired I need to leave.” We leave the place together and go our separate ways.

He sends a text about an hour later talking about meeting again. Uh no. Just recently (This date was about 6 months ago) he sent me a message on here as if I were someone new and I reminded him that we had already met and he got a little pissy like it was “my loss” I refused to go out again. YEAH WHATEVER!

In The Closet?

On a first date…talking about everything from A to Z. Arts, symphony, opera, world events, cooking, our jobs, etc.

I happen to mention in passing that the one thing I never knew about was high thread count sheets, but once I slept on them, I would never sleep on anything else…

She looks at me and says “Are you sure you’re not gay?” and me being quick witted said: “Actually, yes, I am, you got me. I’m just a lesbian trapped in a man’s body and you aren’t going to do it for me, honey, because I’m not into bull dykes”. Then I got up and left. Oh, the look on her face.

Roses from Florist $35
Dinner at Restaurant $85
Look on her face after I put her in her place? Priceless…

I’m me…period…I don’t fit in a neat cubbyhole. And all my friends that are gay know for sure I’m not, so if their “gaydar” ain’t going off, why she would ask me that question I haven’t got a clue. I mean, I was on a date with a woman so where the hell did that question come from?

Herbert Hoover

Since I’ve been asked more then once if my somewhat ample breasts are real I decided to think about a smart ass answer if it happened again. Sure enough I was on a first date with this man when no more then ten minutes into the date he stares at my bosom and asks “Are those real?” Instead of just laughing and getting up and leaving, my usual response, I counter with a question to him. I asked “are you like most men and have your own special name for your, um, package?” He sort of smirked and said well yeah, I guess. So I replied, “well I have my own special name for each of my breasts.” Now he was looking with interest at eyes instead of my bosom. “So what’s their names,’ he asks. I look deep into his eyes while pointing at my breasts and say, “well, the right one I call Herbert and the left one is Hoover.” He looks at me somewhat confused and says, “why did you name them that?” I smile and reply, “because whenever men see them unveiled they always say, “damn!” Then I got up and left.