Tag: beer

Golden Shower

My first and only blind date was set up by a girlfriend of mine. She told me the guy was a nice, (read: not good looking) upcoming, young business man. After some coercion on her part, I agreed to call him. We arranged to meet at a lovely restaurant and the date went very well. I was really enjoying our conversation and he was a true gentleman so I accepted his offer to drive me home. As we got to my front door I asked him in so we could continue our discussion. However, I made it perfectly clear that it was not an invitation for sex. He seemed hurt that I would suggest such a thing, so I felt o.k. letting him in. Long story short, I switched from drinking wine to beer. We all know what that can do to a girl’s bladder. On my third trip to the restroom he said I should just hold it. I mentioned that I had indoor plumbing and would only be gone a few minutes. That’s when he suggested we get in my shower and I pee on him. Needless to say, I was speechless for a minute, but advised him I wasn’t into that sort of play and “my, look at how late it is.” As soon as he left I called my “friend” and asked her what the hell? She said, “Oh, did he mention that on the first date?” The skank KNEW. Nice guy or not, I wasn’t about to date him a second time and I put some distance between me and my friend.

-Tee

Nose to Nose

I agreed to meet this man after several emails and phone calls. I thought I was in for a fun-filled evening due to our numerous conversations and the common interests and laughter we shared.

Boy was I in for a surprise!! He did not look anything like his pics, I was thinking to myself when he got out of the car “Who is this guy??? He’s too old to be only 45, and where are those 6 pack abs he bragged about and what’s going on with this Elvis-do he’s got going on”. He did drive up in his red mustang though, that’s the only thing he didn’t lie about. I suffered through dinner (kept thinking he’d grow more handsome with each beer I drank) Nope, didn’t happen!!! We were finishing up our meal and he looks at me and says “You know, you would look prettier if you had longer hair and you are a little too chubby for my taste.” I was dumbfounded and speechless for a fleeting second but recovered quickly. I jumped up knocking over my beer, darn shame, threw my napkin down and got right in his face, nose to nose, and told him he was no prize himself.

I threw my portion of the bill down and stormed out of there, he’s hot on my heels professing how much he really likes me and how much we had a connection!!! Hello??? The whole restaurant grew quiet as he’s chasing me out into the parking lot. He then stood in the way of my car door and I had to physically move his overweight butt outta my way. On the way home he’s calling my cell and leaving me numerous voicemails, saying he thinks he’s in love. He bothered me online and on the phone for a few weeks, I had to change my number and get a different user name. I had myself a bona fide stalker.

Needless to say I closed my profile from that site. I know you think I’m making this up, but if by chance you were having dinner that night back in September of 2004 at the Avon “Texas Roadhouse” in Indiana then you might have seen the show.

-Michelle625

Mr. Piano Man

My FIRST date was the strangest. I met a guy at a local restaurant for my first date that resulted from just a few days on POF. We planned on eating and had a drink while we waited for a table. He would ask me questions to get to know me and before I would finish my sentences, he would stop me so he could answer his own questions about himself. I mean, that’s ok but he actually **stopped me from talking instead of just interrupting. That was the first sign but I was trying to be objective. Before our table was ready, he asked if I would be interested in going to a nicer restaurant (since he met me and liked me). With me being very hungry and loving nice restaurants, I agreed.

We went in his car and he tried to impress me with music he had in his CD player. I asked him who it was but ** he didn’t know.

We went downtown to a very nice restaurant. He told me **he has rules. One was that I can never open the door for myself, that he will. (Ok, dude, do you have to say it?? Just freakin’ do it and don’t make an issue out of it). We start to walk to the restaurant and he tries to hold my hand. I’m like, dude, I just met you. His response, ** Well, I like you and I want to hold your hand. (oh, okay, who cares if I don’t want to hold yours, and btw, don’t forget to open the door for me).

We have a reserved table because “everybody knows me”. A u-shaped booth style, I sit down and he sits right next to me and puts his hand on my leg. **”Well, I know what I like and I like you”. Ok, dude, back the eff up is what I was thinking but I was polite and insisted that he lay off.

They gave me a menu and **he told the server that I didn’t need a menu and that he was ordering for me. Can you imagine the look on my face for a few seconds?? But I decided to go with it and said, “okay, I’m game”. He ordered a pork rib for me and I don’t eat pork. ** “Trust me, you are going to love it.” I don’t care how much $$ you put on the menu for pork, it still tastes like pork.

Here comes the dessert menu…there it goes. He orders that, too, along with a dessert wine. It comes and **he tells me how to eat the dessert. I’ve been eating dessert a long time and really didn’t require lessons, believe me. I really enjoyed the wine and asked him what the name of it was, **he said he would not tell me because he only wanted me to have it when I was with him.

After dinner we go to a small bar down the road and he uses the valet. **He tells me that if you tip a valet a lot of money, then they will have your car up front for you to leave quickly. No shyt, Sherlock. Just do it and don’t tell me about it.

He says, what would you like to drink…I say, since I have had a lot of wine, I should slow down with a beer. **He says “no”. No, really, dude, I’m on medication for epilepsy and I can’t be getting hammered. **He says “you’ll be fine”. He insists that I drink some crap sweet drink. He asked if I liked it. Uh, no, I hate it but I will slowly sip to make the pain of being on this date with you go away.

He grabs my hand (after **he takes my drink away, which I was starting to get used to and needed) and he leads me to the banquet rooms in the hotel of which this bar is. I was thinking, what the hell now?

He sits down to a piano and starts playing Piano Man. Ok, that’s cool. He was good. He asked me what I would like to hear and when I told him,** he said he had something better. Holy crap. Finally after 6 songs that I didn’t request, I tell him that I have to go soon because my oldest daughter is watching my younger ones and she was waiting on me to get home so she could go out with her friends. I felt bad for lying but I could tell he would have kept me out all night.

We leave because he wants to show me another place. It was a cool, chic bar with an awesome DJ but not a nightclub feel. More like a lounge. We walk in and **he says, I want people to know that I am with you. I was actually enjoying a beer finally and he wants to leave so he can show me another place. I’m like, noooo, this place is great. **He says, you are going to love the other place. I don’t finish my beer and he whisks me away.

Next stop, smoky bar, dark, laser lights (I’m epileptic, remember) and I felt like I was definitely overdressed, meaning I had clothes on that covered my body. Because “people know me here, too” he bought several people a shot. I refrained. And people did not know him. I finally insist on leaving because of the smoke but really because of him. He continuously tries to kiss me. Persistently. And I am a nice person that can handle herself but I was on the verge of saying “step back dude, how many times do I have to say it”.

He takes me to my car only after I promise to go out with him again. Okay, okay, I’ll go out with you again if you just let me get away from you. Now I know why people admit guilt during interrogation to a crime they didn’t commit. When I see my car, I am so happy. Whew! Opens my car door for me, of course, because I was following the rules and finally asked me for a kiss. I thought, okay, you really never know if you have chemistry until you kiss someone…… We do NOT have chemistry.

He texts me and says “text me when you get home”. I texted someone else. He texts me everyday for several days the same question “so, are we going out on another date?” You just came on too strong. I just started dating and I am not ready for that. He says, OK. and I never hear from him again. Thank goodness.

-gigi44