Tag: blind date

Earth Mama

My girlfriend reluctantly set me up with a blind date. Her friend had seen a picture of me and really wanted to meet me. She didn’t think he was my type, but I told her I’d give it a try. My date had long scraggly hair and beard, and wore dirty ‘hippie’ clothes. He took one look at me and said I was his earth mama, he wanted to get married, have babies with me and live off the land. (He was serious). Halfway through lunch, I went to the bathroom, managed to get to the cashier without him seeing me, paid for my share of the lunch and left as fast as I could.


Golden Shower

My first and only blind date was set up by a girlfriend of mine. She told me the guy was a nice, (read: not good looking) upcoming, young business man. After some coercion on her part, I agreed to call him. We arranged to meet at a lovely restaurant and the date went very well. I was really enjoying our conversation and he was a true gentleman so I accepted his offer to drive me home. As we got to my front door I asked him in so we could continue our discussion. However, I made it perfectly clear that it was not an invitation for sex. He seemed hurt that I would suggest such a thing, so I felt o.k. letting him in. Long story short, I switched from drinking wine to beer. We all know what that can do to a girl’s bladder. On my third trip to the restroom he said I should just hold it. I mentioned that I had indoor plumbing and would only be gone a few minutes. That’s when he suggested we get in my shower and I pee on him. Needless to say, I was speechless for a minute, but advised him I wasn’t into that sort of play and “my, look at how late it is.” As soon as he left I called my “friend” and asked her what the hell? She said, “Oh, did he mention that on the first date?” The skank KNEW. Nice guy or not, I wasn’t about to date him a second time and I put some distance between me and my friend.


No Kiss At Climax?

I once went hiking on a blind date. I repeat, hiking. We spent close to three hours hoofing it up the side of a mountain (half of which he spent making fun of my inability to keep up with him, the expert hiker). Once we reached the top he went in for the kiss which by that point I had no interest in. After dodging it and being polite about declining he proceeded to tell me how insecure I was and how I was afraid of commitment. What a keeper. Needless to say, after a silent car ride home I gladly never saw or contacted him again. The e-mail the next day from him with a grim, “I don’t think we really hit it off” was definitely a fun read, too.

Ego Brat

When my blind date rang the doorbell, I took a step back and stared. He was drop dead gorgeous, looking like a young Paul Newman. First clue: why would a guy that good looking bother with a blind date? We went roller skating, not too bad of a date. Then back to his Frat house. He’d spent the evening talking about himself and how cool he was. Yawn. Then he informed me that it was time for me to put out. Yep, do the nasty with this ego brat. I turned him down and discovered that if I didn’t want a long walk home in the dead of winter, I’d put out or get out.

I got out. Walked home through the Park. Dangerous, but not as dangerous as I was. I was so outraged that I’d have assaulted any mugger who even looked crosswise at me. And if you’re really pissed, the cold doesn’t bother you a bit.