Tag: chemistry

3 Red Flags & The Pecker

So I’m new here.. Been lurking for a little while. Little background on me…

I’m recently out of an 11-month relationship. Why? If it’s any indicator, in the last 6 months we had sex once. We weren’t right for each other, and moved way too quickly in the beginning (moved in after about 6 weeks…). I never really had the chance to tell if he was the right person for me. There were some other issues, I got sick, and he pretty much blamed me. He didn’t really care about what I was going through, he just worried about how it was going to affect him. Anyway, that’s a long, boring story, and not worth it. I’m over it. Enough said.

So being newly on the market, one of my coworkers sets me up with a guy. We talk a little bit, and while the conversations are pretty decent, there are some red flags. We have fundamentally different beliefs politically, and as far as gender-roles go… He likes his women barefoot and in the kitchen, wants them to cook and do his laundry. I’m the bread-winner type.. I have a fantastic job, and do very well on my own. I’m smart, successful, driven, and independent.

First red flag… Before we had even gone out on our first date, he asked me to move in with him. More than once. What?!? No way dude.

Second red flag.. He later flips out over me wanting to drive myself to our first date. What, I don’t trust him enough to pick me up? I told him to stop pushing me and he let it go, but man was he mad about that.

Third red flag.. On the day we are supposed to go on our date, we were talking about furniture. When we discuss mattresses, he makes the comment that we’ll probably ‘be spending the night at each other’s place soon and regularly.

Ummm… That freaked me out, and I told him that was a bit presumptuous, and much too forward. His defense was, we are both adults, and we’re talking, which leads to dating, which leads to a relationship.. And that is was just a thought. Whatever. I told him I know how the process works, but that level of assumption is uncalled for.

I should have cancelled the date at that point, because he’s starting to freak me out. But I’m an idiot, and I try to be a nice person. I wanted to give him a shot.

We go out and the conversation was.. okay. There was nooooo chemistry on my part. He’s pushing my limits with the conversation, and I’m pretty much ready to go. He walks me to my car, and we hug. Then he goes in for the kiss.

And that was wayyyy too much wayyyy too fast. First he pecks, a lot, like a dozen times. I’m definitely not feeling it. I start pulling away and try getting into my car, and he pulls me into him and grabs my ass and pushes his tongue into my mouth. Oh, it was awful. Just awful.

I finally tear myself away and speed off. Now he’s calling, and he wants to go out tonight (dinner and a movie). I absolutely do NOT want to go out with this guy again. I wish I hadn’t gone out the first time at all!!

I KNOW all men aren’t like this.. But WTF kind of girl does he think I am??? I am thoroughly repulsed and pretty freaked out. Thankfully he does not know where I live.

adelinne

Mr. Piano Man

My FIRST date was the strangest. I met a guy at a local restaurant for my first date that resulted from just a few days on POF. We planned on eating and had a drink while we waited for a table. He would ask me questions to get to know me and before I would finish my sentences, he would stop me so he could answer his own questions about himself. I mean, that’s ok but he actually **stopped me from talking instead of just interrupting. That was the first sign but I was trying to be objective. Before our table was ready, he asked if I would be interested in going to a nicer restaurant (since he met me and liked me). With me being very hungry and loving nice restaurants, I agreed.

We went in his car and he tried to impress me with music he had in his CD player. I asked him who it was but ** he didn’t know.

We went downtown to a very nice restaurant. He told me **he has rules. One was that I can never open the door for myself, that he will. (Ok, dude, do you have to say it?? Just freakin’ do it and don’t make an issue out of it). We start to walk to the restaurant and he tries to hold my hand. I’m like, dude, I just met you. His response, ** Well, I like you and I want to hold your hand. (oh, okay, who cares if I don’t want to hold yours, and btw, don’t forget to open the door for me).

We have a reserved table because “everybody knows me”. A u-shaped booth style, I sit down and he sits right next to me and puts his hand on my leg. **”Well, I know what I like and I like you”. Ok, dude, back the eff up is what I was thinking but I was polite and insisted that he lay off.

They gave me a menu and **he told the server that I didn’t need a menu and that he was ordering for me. Can you imagine the look on my face for a few seconds?? But I decided to go with it and said, “okay, I’m game”. He ordered a pork rib for me and I don’t eat pork. ** “Trust me, you are going to love it.” I don’t care how much $$ you put on the menu for pork, it still tastes like pork.

Here comes the dessert menu…there it goes. He orders that, too, along with a dessert wine. It comes and **he tells me how to eat the dessert. I’ve been eating dessert a long time and really didn’t require lessons, believe me. I really enjoyed the wine and asked him what the name of it was, **he said he would not tell me because he only wanted me to have it when I was with him.

After dinner we go to a small bar down the road and he uses the valet. **He tells me that if you tip a valet a lot of money, then they will have your car up front for you to leave quickly. No shyt, Sherlock. Just do it and don’t tell me about it.

He says, what would you like to drink…I say, since I have had a lot of wine, I should slow down with a beer. **He says “no”. No, really, dude, I’m on medication for epilepsy and I can’t be getting hammered. **He says “you’ll be fine”. He insists that I drink some crap sweet drink. He asked if I liked it. Uh, no, I hate it but I will slowly sip to make the pain of being on this date with you go away.

He grabs my hand (after **he takes my drink away, which I was starting to get used to and needed) and he leads me to the banquet rooms in the hotel of which this bar is. I was thinking, what the hell now?

He sits down to a piano and starts playing Piano Man. Ok, that’s cool. He was good. He asked me what I would like to hear and when I told him,** he said he had something better. Holy crap. Finally after 6 songs that I didn’t request, I tell him that I have to go soon because my oldest daughter is watching my younger ones and she was waiting on me to get home so she could go out with her friends. I felt bad for lying but I could tell he would have kept me out all night.

We leave because he wants to show me another place. It was a cool, chic bar with an awesome DJ but not a nightclub feel. More like a lounge. We walk in and **he says, I want people to know that I am with you. I was actually enjoying a beer finally and he wants to leave so he can show me another place. I’m like, noooo, this place is great. **He says, you are going to love the other place. I don’t finish my beer and he whisks me away.

Next stop, smoky bar, dark, laser lights (I’m epileptic, remember) and I felt like I was definitely overdressed, meaning I had clothes on that covered my body. Because “people know me here, too” he bought several people a shot. I refrained. And people did not know him. I finally insist on leaving because of the smoke but really because of him. He continuously tries to kiss me. Persistently. And I am a nice person that can handle herself but I was on the verge of saying “step back dude, how many times do I have to say it”.

He takes me to my car only after I promise to go out with him again. Okay, okay, I’ll go out with you again if you just let me get away from you. Now I know why people admit guilt during interrogation to a crime they didn’t commit. When I see my car, I am so happy. Whew! Opens my car door for me, of course, because I was following the rules and finally asked me for a kiss. I thought, okay, you really never know if you have chemistry until you kiss someone…… We do NOT have chemistry.

He texts me and says “text me when you get home”. I texted someone else. He texts me everyday for several days the same question “so, are we going out on another date?” You just came on too strong. I just started dating and I am not ready for that. He says, OK. and I never hear from him again. Thank goodness.

-gigi44

2nd Date Surprise

I felt no chemistry with my current boyfriend on our first date. In fact, while he was talking I remember thinking that it wasn’t going to work out. However, he was pleasant, we did have things to talk about, and there were no obvious deal-breakers. I accepted a second date thinking “well at least he might be a friend.” Well, chemistry did develop during the second date. At the point where he kissed me I realized there was a lot more potential. That’s never happened to me before so it was surprising.

I wouldn’t have continue to date him had no chemistry developed at all or there were definite deal breakers present (twice my weight, etc.). I think sometimes chemistry doesn’t develop right away. But if after say, 3 or 4 dates it’s not there at all it probably won’t develop. However, there are others on this board where a slow simmer turned into a full boil later on.

-OliveOyl