Tag: coffee


Worst date I went on from pof (Plenty Of Fish) was with a guy who looked nothing like his profile (as in, he used a really hot guy’s pics and he was, let’s just say less than hot). We met at Starbucks for coffee. When I showed up he had the audacity to then tell me that he was very “impressed” with how I look and that he was actually expecting some “fat pig” to show up because in my profile I say I am a few extra pounds and that I actually look better in real life. In my mind all I could think was “ummm wish I could say the same about you buddy.” Not that I am shallow, I just think people should be honest and realistic about how they look in their profile. Anyways I just politely drank my latte and engaged in courteous conversation (mostly listening to him complain about his mother) for about 15 minutes.

Then I tried to cut the date short and said I have to go now. He kept suggesting we go to the beach for a walk or maybe window shopping in the mall and can “buy me something.” I said no thanks. Seriously, this guy would NOT take no for an answer. So I got up while he was still talking and walked to my car and he followed me, then grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into his van (yes, it was a van, with tinted windows and everything, how cliche I know). This resulted in quite the physical struggle in the parking lot, him yelling that I was a “wicked b*tch” (wtf?) and a bunch of other profanities. A little old lady literally had to intervene and beat him off me with her purse and this gathered a larger crowd of people who gawked and took videos with their cell phones. Then he drove away like a maniac, squishing a garden on the sidewalk in the path of his wrath.

The experience made me not want to date ever again, but luckily no one else has ever been that close to psycho-van-driving-mother-hating-guy. I take pepper spray with me now… just in case.

Hazelnut Creamer

It sure wasn’t funny at the time, but I had a first meet with a man I’d been chatting with and we decided he’d bring us coffee and we’d go to the park and talk. Well, I don’t drink coffee very often… like once every 5 or 10 yrs. And it has to have hazelnut creamer in it. So, he was kind enough to bring me a large coffee with hazelnut creamer. We were drinking our coffee and chatting at a picnic table about 100 yards from the public restroom when I felt that dreaded rumbling in my stomach. I’m thinking, “Oh, God, please not now!!!” Then the cramps hit and I started sweating and he asked if I was okay. I asked him if he would help me to the restroom since at the time I was having difficulty walking any distance due to a medical condition I have and he took my arm and quickly walked me to the facilities. I ended up staying in there for at least a half hour, moaning loudly and having every thing in my intestinal tract exploding out from both ends. I don’t remember ever being so violently ill so suddenly and he’s knocking on the door asking if I’m okay as I’m moaning and puking my guts out. When I finally was able to emerge, soaking wet from sweat and washing my face, a lovely shade of pale green, he asked if I’d like to go home. I said I thought that would be a very good idea. We have remained friends ever since but that sure ended any romantic thoughts that might have occurred.

I haven’t drank coffee since!!!


Feeling An Old Man

Agreed to meet a man for coffee. He shows up and says he hasn’t had dinner, can we go somewhere else? So after hesitating a few moments–yeah, he looked 15 years older than his pic — I say OK, there’s a place about 2 blocks down, I’ll meet you there. He wants me to ride in his car, but I refuse. So we get there, order, stuff comes to the table, we’re talking — not exciting, but I am trying to be respectful. So at some point I’m saying how exciting it was to be in Spain, and to get to climb on and touch the Roman Aqueduct, and how amazing it is to touch something so old — and he bursts in, “Well I’m old. I hope you’ll touch me!” I put down the coffee cup, said wow, I really have to go. He says, but I’m not done, and I said, well, I only had time for coffee. Throw some cash on the table and exit, w/o looking back.

That was my first “picture surprise” meet and greet–that’s how I think of the people who show up looking nothing like their picture. I was so taken back (hadn’t read as much on the forums back then!), I didn’t know how to react. Next time it will be, “Oh, you haven’t been honest. Your picture must be at least XX years old. I’m not interested.” No coffee, nothing. I’m not staying!


Terror on the Terrace

Met a woman online, emailed and chatted on the phone, set up a dinner date. We met, sat out on the terrace and had a great dinner and conversation. As we finished coffee the waiter came and took the check. As he left, she smiled and leaned over the table and said “my place or yours?” I was kinda like a deer in the headlights. Stupidly I said “Gee I thought we’d get to know each other better before we got to that”, I’m not a first date sex kinda guy. The terrace had filled up with about 25 people at 10 or 12 tables around us. She now changed her expression and stood up and said in a loud voice “WHAT?? I am not good enough to GO TO BED WITH?!?!” Of course everyone turned to look at me, and I wanted to crawl under the table.

The waiter returned with the receipt, and while she ranted on, I quickly signed it and fled, with her still yelling behind me. Needless to say, I never returned to that restaurant for dates. Maybe it was the food or just the atmosphere, crazy huh?