Tag: first date advice

First Date Fight Club

I met this guy from another site. We went to dinner. So far so good. Then he asks if I wanted to get drinks. I said sure, why not. So we go to some fight club situation. I don’t even remember where it was. He tells me to take a seat and wait here. Next thing I know he’s in the ring. He then proceeded to get his ass kicked and he got knocked out. I got up and left. So not a very good idea to schedule a boxing match and lose for a first date guys.

The Movie Talker

The guy was late, not by much, but missed the movie (this guy is the reason why I don’t do movies on first dates anymore), so we went to a different one. No big deal, I’m pretty easy going. I notice that he doesn’t look like his pictures, and he mentions that his pics are about 5 – 7 years old. Not cool, but okay, it’s a first date, and I can suffer through 2 hours. He had invited me out that night, and though I expect to pay, it’s nice when the guy offers. However, he went up and bought his own ticket, and didn’t offer to pay for mine. Then he got snacks for himself and didn’t offer to get me anything. But, hey, I’m a modern woman, I expect to pay for myself, so…not that big of a deal. We go into the theater, and by this time, I’m not terribly impressed with this guy. When we sit down, he practically sits in my lap. He is so far over in his chair, we might as well have been sharing my chair. So, I squoosh over (squoosh is the technical term, yes) as far as I can. You’d think it couldn’t get any worse, but no. He’s a movie talker. Not just talker, but questioner. “Wow, did you see that?” “What just happened?” “What’s going on, did I miss something?” We were watching the same freaking movie. After a few grunted responses, I played deaf. The people behind me were as ticked off as I was, and kept kicking my seat, which ticked me off even more. I wasn’t the one talking, after all. So, after the longest movie in the world was over, we are walking out of the theater, and he asks me if I’d like to go out for an after-movie drink. The date ended with me telling him I had a lot of laundry to do that night.

Moral of the story – if a girl tells you she’d rather do laundry than continue a date, it didn’t go well.

Let’s Watch A Sunset!

Well, I have a worst pre-dating experience to add to this — one that just happened today. I had been talking with this man who contacted me, he was 3 years younger than me. After a couple of emails back and forth, we progressed to chatting on the phone. He seemed nice enough…and we agreed to touch base later in the week as to where we were going to meet. He was so set on meeting in an area near the Marina Del Rey, he wanted to try out this one restaurant, and insisted we go there. He said that if we couldn’t, then we could meet in Santa Monica, as he wanted to watch the sun set — he hadn’t been able to do much of that. It was always what he wanted to do.

He only suggested possibly meeting in Marina Del Rey after I stopped responding to his texts. To me, when someone is so insistent on meeting in an area, or offers up ideas, and is unwilling to listen to what you might have to suggest, that’s a red flag. It shows that they have no respect for you as a person, nor for your ideas/opinions/feelings.

Anyhow, after thinking about this, I just was not into meeting him any longer…I told him in a text (We were texting back and forth, discussing where to meet, or rather, he was telling me where he wanted to meet) that I didn’t feel comfortable with how things went when discussing where to meet, and that I’d have to decline meeting. I told him it was nice getting to know him. He then sent 5-6 texts basically saying things of a derogatory nature regarding my age, “Your as old as ‘f—‘, I was going to cancel anyway — I was just trying to see if you would budge — your only a couple years away from 40 — you better learn to give a little”.

Some people just can’t take rejection. Notice I misused “your” when I should have used “you’re”. That’s exactly how he phrased those texts. I wasn’t upset about it — his texts made me laugh. He’s only 3 years younger, he’s calling himself old. It’s no mystery why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He has no clue how to treat women.

Feeling An Old Man

Agreed to meet a man for coffee. He shows up and says he hasn’t had dinner, can we go somewhere else? So after hesitating a few moments–yeah, he looked 15 years older than his pic — I say OK, there’s a place about 2 blocks down, I’ll meet you there. He wants me to ride in his car, but I refuse. So we get there, order, stuff comes to the table, we’re talking — not exciting, but I am trying to be respectful. So at some point I’m saying how exciting it was to be in Spain, and to get to climb on and touch the Roman Aqueduct, and how amazing it is to touch something so old — and he bursts in, “Well I’m old. I hope you’ll touch me!” I put down the coffee cup, said wow, I really have to go. He says, but I’m not done, and I said, well, I only had time for coffee. Throw some cash on the table and exit, w/o looking back.

That was my first “picture surprise” meet and greet–that’s how I think of the people who show up looking nothing like their picture. I was so taken back (hadn’t read as much on the forums back then!), I didn’t know how to react. Next time it will be, “Oh, you haven’t been honest. Your picture must be at least XX years old. I’m not interested.” No coffee, nothing. I’m not staying!


What To Do When There Is No Spark

I am having some ethical dilemmas here. And I don’t know if I should be… I recently went out with a guy for our first date. He picked a really nice (and expensive) steak house. He offered to pay. All was fine. We had four or five phone conversations and we got along fine.

Then we met for our first date and BLAM! Within the first minute, I was 100% sure there was no spark. Instead of backing out, cause this restaurant was his favorite and he mentioned he was happy to just get out of the house, I went through with the date. I had a good time. He was funny and nice. And I felt like I should have paid for my half because there was no connection.

Is this something guys would appreciate women doing…if we are not into you, we offer to pay for our half of the meal? I’m pretty old fashioned, and if I liked the guy, his paying for the first date is nice. But, I felt really bad cause I knew it wasn’t going anywhere.

Don’t slam me…I’m just trying to find the higher ground here. What do you guys think?


Her Silent Discomfort

…or not?

Recently I met up with a girl from POF (Plenty Of Fish). We had decent email communications and one phone conversation before getting together one afternoon for lunch.

At lunch, again, conversation felt as if it flowed naturally. I was doing most of the talking, but she held her end of a talking point pretty effortlessly. Fast forward to the end of our meet and as we were saying our goodbyes there was a small moment of silence, at which point she verbally expressed her discomfort of it. I simply smiled.

She asked me what that smile meant and I remember thinking to myself that it doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes a smile is just a smile. Anyway, we had a short phone conversation last night, and again another silence comes up, and again she verbally calls out her “discomfort” of it. Makes me curious…

Does anyone here, when interacting socially with a new person, find an awkward discomfort in a conversational break? Personally speaking, I find that in such situations I sometimes sit back and see where it takes us. I also like to see if the girl I’m with can pick up the ball and get back in the game.

Anyway, I think most people think there is a type of negativity involved in those little moments of tranquility…as if it screams “OH NO, I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, I MUST BE UNINTERESTING!”

I’d like to hear other’s thoughts on this.

-Ele Efe

2nd Date Surprise

I felt no chemistry with my current boyfriend on our first date. In fact, while he was talking I remember thinking that it wasn’t going to work out. However, he was pleasant, we did have things to talk about, and there were no obvious deal-breakers. I accepted a second date thinking “well at least he might be a friend.” Well, chemistry did develop during the second date. At the point where he kissed me I realized there was a lot more potential. That’s never happened to me before so it was surprising.

I wouldn’t have continue to date him had no chemistry developed at all or there were definite deal breakers present (twice my weight, etc.). I think sometimes chemistry doesn’t develop right away. But if after say, 3 or 4 dates it’s not there at all it probably won’t develop. However, there are others on this board where a slow simmer turned into a full boil later on.