Tag: funny

All I Want For Xmas

I recently agreed to meet someone that I had been chatting with. She was 15 years older than her pictures, was totally gray (had brown listed) and 75 lbs larger than average but listed her weight as average on her profile. She was also missing several teeth (in front) so barely opened her mouth to talk. It’s sad that people can’t be who they are and let you know what their intentions are up front! Do they think you will meet them and totally forget what their profile said? There is a lack of self-assessment on many people’s part on POF (Plenty of fish). Who are they kidding?

The Fireman @ Dave & Busters

We met on another website. Talked for a few weeks and went out (it was the least amount of time I had spent talking to someone before meeting them). He picks me up at like 10 or 11pm after work on a Friday. Appearance wise he wasn’t what I was expecting at all. We get in the car, and (he was a fireman) we drove to his fire station. It was near by and he went there to change out of his work uniform. OK. Picture it… I don’t know this guy very well…I am in his car… He drives me kinda outside of town to a big metal building with bad lighting and parks in the shadows on the side. I am thinking “ok, where is my grave already dug at?”… It was awkward and uncomfortable. He gets back into the car (I waited in it) and we drive to Pittsburgh (45min drive) to go to Dave & Busters. The whole drive is in complete silence. We get there, and I am not allowed in. No one under 21 admitted after 10 o’clock and I had just turned 19. I could be admitted with someone over 21, but he didn’t have his ID on him. Another 45 minutes back home in complete silence.

Oh! And at one point he was all driving and staring at me and it was freaky and like “dude! quit staring at me and watch where you’re driving!”

-dreamsource

Cone of Silence

I can remember a “date from hell” awhile back where there was this pause in the conversation as we were driving where neither person had anything to say. So I’m just sitting there quietly driving along and she’s like: “Boy you sure are quiet. Not like in the emails.”

Hey, sometimes I don’t have anything to say. When I write emails it’s because I have something to talk about. Anyway, that AWKWARD little moment lasted a few minutes and pretty much guaranteed the unsuccessful end of that date.

Anybody else run into this situation?

Sometimes I find that I’m all talked out after weeks and weeks of emails. By the time I meet the girl (in person) there’s nothing left to talk about?

-techguy

Quasimodo Impression

Mine was a few years ago, I went out with this guy who I’d met on another dating site. He turned up looking almost nothing like his pics, a few similar traits, but I thought I’d bite the bullet and see if he had anything to offer. He picked me up a road or two over from where I lived at the time. I got in the car and we drove into the next town. The journey there was weird because there was no music/radio on in the car (he couldn’t concentrate). There was no talking (I tried but he was concentrating on driving), so I sat there very bored while he did this Quasimodo impression, hunched right up over the top of the wheel – and he wasn’t even that tall to warrant doing that.

In the end we went into a pub, I had one drink (Diet Coke if I remember correctly) and kept my exit in mind. We talked for a bit, although there were long uncomfortable silences and he didn’t really initiate conversation whatsoever….and in the end I faked an excuse about having to get home to do coursework (this was back in the days I was at college).

On the way back to the car he grabbed at my hand – I politely pulled away and suggested he not try it again. Again, no talking on the way back as concentration on the road was paramount! He dropped me off in the same place he’d picked me up. I politely said my goodbyes and I got the hell out of there! Never spoke to him again!

Terror on the Terrace

Met a woman online, emailed and chatted on the phone, set up a dinner date. We met, sat out on the terrace and had a great dinner and conversation. As we finished coffee the waiter came and took the check. As he left, she smiled and leaned over the table and said “my place or yours?” I was kinda like a deer in the headlights. Stupidly I said “Gee I thought we’d get to know each other better before we got to that”, I’m not a first date sex kinda guy. The terrace had filled up with about 25 people at 10 or 12 tables around us. She now changed her expression and stood up and said in a loud voice “WHAT?? I am not good enough to GO TO BED WITH?!?!” Of course everyone turned to look at me, and I wanted to crawl under the table.

The waiter returned with the receipt, and while she ranted on, I quickly signed it and fled, with her still yelling behind me. Needless to say, I never returned to that restaurant for dates. Maybe it was the food or just the atmosphere, crazy huh?

OyVay…